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“...You know, you... you make me feel so good inside. I always wanted a girl just like you… such a purity… Pretty Young Thing...”
It’s Christmastime in the city. You have just entered a downtown Old Navy clothing store where you are focused on buying only a new pair of cheap yet quality jeans and perhaps a nice dress shirt. Immediately upon entering you realize that Old Navy is a shopper’s cabaret complete with a full-functioning, three-dimensional musical number featuring helpful headset-wearing employees jumping in every direction to the rhythm of Michael Jackson’s “P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)”.
“Where did you come from baby? And ewwww... won’t you take me there...”
…So you’re there in Old Navy where everything is brightly colored and affordable... beckoning you in multiple directions all at once. Cheerful lights and rotating mannequins jut from sale racks. You simply can’t turn down that 100% polyester throw over dark blue jacket with drawstring bottom inspected by Sweat Shop worker No. 138.
“Don’t you know now is the perfect time? We can make it right in the city lights…”
Oh... you just can’t leave without that earth-toned plaid sleepwear! You’ll be the hippest kid in your dorm hall. And that teal green knitted tie is a great deal for 4.99!! You’ll certainly be charming at any dinner gathering. You can hear all of your friends now:
“Where’d you get that fabu tie?”
“Old Navy!”
“Wow!”
“Holy Cow!”
“Let me take you to the max...”
Up the escalator you go...
“I want to love you...”
2nd floor: Teen and Women’s apparel!
“P.Y.T.”
Man, this store has everything!
“Pretty Young Thing...”
You’re bopping left and you’re bopping right... Yo... “Pretty Young Things” chorus is really out of sight! Don’t forget... keep warm and snug with fleece undergarment tights! Just 9.99... oh... just right!
“You need some lovin’… Tender lovin’ care...”
…And up to 3rd floor Men’s apparel where you watch a string of mechanical legs adorned in new lose denim kick back and forth to that funked out beat!
“Pretty Young Thing... repeat after me...”
You’ve tossed six new pairs of sparkly ankle socks in your basket. Three for one… what a steal! This whole store is such a great deal!
By the time you’re downstairs, the basket is full and “P.Y.T.” has ended and has made way for Bruce Springsteen’s, “Born In the U.S.A”. Now you start to rethink that neon orange sweater vest you picked up on the third floor. And you really don’t need those triple knit gloves.
You’re taking nearly everything back out of the basket… laying every item out on a large jewelry kiosk containing squishy flower shaped key rings with matching picture frames.
Just as you step out of the stores massive doors, having not spent one dime, the B-52’s “Rock Lobster” begins to blare with a screaming Fred Schneider. You run from the store... never again to venture back into its alluring grasp. |
